Bout Recaps by Timothy Blaszka

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• The Black Widows vs the Switchblade Sisters (Derby Detention Part II)
  [Late to class? Missed the (action packed) proceedings? Well, let's do everyone a favor and click here to catch up. There will be a quiz later, and some of the answers might even turn up (t)here!] Derby Detention's second half commenced the way every post-Junior Derby Chick halftime bout should: with tons of jammer on jammer action. Everyone loves it: the kids, adults, and even the occasional… Ninja Monkey started the proceedings off by spitting in the face of caution as she went one-on-one against Black Widow Rojo Grande. Rojo took the licking, and kept right on...
  
  
  
  
• The Black Widows vs the Switchblade Sisters (Derby Detention Part I)
  Intrigued by the Black Widows' newfound fallibility (see here), the Switchblade Sisters decided to get their own shot in before the Derby Darlins' impending (11/13) Championship bout. Bringing about last Saturday's Derby Detention; a bout where the league's pecking orders could be (re)established. (Shockingly, the penalty box was not abolished, despite the bout's title. Tonight's detention had an area set aside for detaining troublesome skaters; hereby known as the ISS box.) While the Black Widows ultimately proved too strong in the end, the Sisters...
  
  
  
  
• The Honor Rollers vs the Pink Preps (Derby Detention)
  As regular readers will already know, junior roller derby is the hottest craze to reach West Central FL's youths since the hacky sack, ODB's "Got Your Money," and death metal. The Tampa Bay Derby Chicks last bout had an 80's theme, showing these sprite-sized athletes just how horrible "culture" was when their parents were growing up. Saturday's bout, Derby Detention, gave these kids a theme they can understand: school. Split into two warring scholastic squads: the Honor Rollers and the Pink Preps, their short but energetic match eventually showed the...
  
  
• Tampa Bay Bruise Crew vs the Fort Myers Misdemeanors (Cruisin' for a Bruisin'; Part I)
  Not content to run roughshod over Florida's roller derby with just their A-team Tampa Tantrums, this year the Tampa Bay Derby Darlins started a B-travel team, the Bruise Crew. The Crew supplements the league teams as a more focused Tantrum testing ground for Tampa's raw and unrefined talent. Perhaps best illustrated by their choice of team colors: a dark purple serving as a precursor to the Tantrums' bright pink. Facing off last Saturday (08/21) against the newly minted Bruise Crew was the Fort Myers Misdemeanors. Arising from the palmetto'ed muck infesting the land...
  
  
• Tampa Bay Bruise Crew vs the Fort Myers Misdemeanors (Cruisin' for a Bruisin'; Part II)
  The Fort Myers Misdemeanors' run of good fortune at the end of Cruisin' for a Bruisin's first half[link] would not hold through the bout's second half. Shortly after the commencing whistles the penalty box relinquished all of its Bruise Crew inhabitants, now seeking instead Misdemeanor skates. Which allowed Tampa's Crew to augment its lead to (64-126) before Fort Myers' Krystal Death and Lil Debbie Smackcakes shut Reeces Tear Ya to Pieces down. These penalty problems continuing on throughout the next few jams, with both teams either filling the boxes to capacity or...